'Nista

Whack-in-Back Hairstyle...

Oh boy. I admit rather freely to having fallen under a spell—though brief and mostly due to an imbalance of seratonin and dopamine in my brain—where I watched TLC's Jon & Kate Plus 8. It was usually the best thing on the boob-tube-affixed gym equipment whenever I decided to haul my rather large caboose to the gym. The show's synopsis is short and sweet: Jon and Kate had twins on the first romp; the second bout in the bedroom got some in vitro assistance and then—whip-bam-boom—a batch of sextuplets up and cold changed their lives. The kids (not the parents) became media darlings, and TLC swooped in to cash in on this cute large family. 

And then came the "quirks"...those little personality disorders that might not have presented if never affronted by six screaming babies. Like Kate's acerbic quips and her complete lack of viewing Jon as 1) a man and 2) a father. And then there's Jon...passive aggressive in every way. Watch the marriage unravel while eight cute kids run around, cry, burp, spill things, and yell each other. It's Magic, TLC, pure Magic!

But what's really Magic is Kate's hairstyle. And what I mean by Magic is that it deceives us oh so brilliantly with somewhat normal-appearing front and side slats of frosted highlights, but then, POW! Like a magician who's ultimate illusion goes vewy, vewy wong, we find that rather than him holding high a snow white rabbit, he's wielding a flaming hedgehog. That is the back of Kate's hair.

Working in the beauty industry, I have to say like Hall & Oates: "I can't go for that. Nooooo. No can do." But apparently, Kate looooooooves her style, and her hairstylist fields sooooooo many requests for this hedge-head 'd0. Via Totalbeauty.com (via an interview with EW):

The reality TV super mom (perhaps the precursor to Octomom), claims that her hairdresser gets calls from around the country wanting to know how to emulate the style. Gosselin gushes, “Everybody wants it,” referring to her high-maintenance mane.

(Source: Dlisted.com)

And as if on cue, Oprah brings a little girl by the name of Jordan on her show. The 10-year-old specifically asked for the Kate Gosselin's whack-a-hedgehog mullet. Thankfully, this little girl's hair will grow back and all of the eventual partying and cramming for tests will make this small blip in her beauty blunders disappear forever...

If you haven't had enough prickling of your eyeballs with this tragic bob/mullet/grass creation, check out Buzz Feed's 15 Celebrities That Look Hot With Kate Gosselin's Hair Style. 

I'm personally choosing Jen Anisten as best to rock out this party in the back of her head...

Lost Soles...

(Source: Style.com)

Oh, Project Runway, how we all miss you dearly! So much so, Bravo had to come out with The Fashion Show, which I've only watched one episode of, and felt lacked in so much (mainly: no Tim Gunn). And now there's another show in development: Sole Perspective. 

"Drawing from the design competition elements of shows like Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model, as well as corporate driven marketing challenges from The Apprentice, Sole Perspective will provide a never-before-seen inside look into the world of footwear design and shoemaking, one of the most influential areas of the fashion industry today. In addition, it will leverage the intense drama of a top shelf competition reality format, shepherded by one of the top reality producers in the business.

 

“When I was first presented with the concept for Sole Perspective, I was immediately intrigued” noted Bud Brutsman, Executive Producer and CEO of BCII.  “The shoe industry is the pinnacle of the fashion business. This gives us the opportunity to take TV design competition to a whole new dramatic level, with new on-screen challenges in design and marketing never before attempted by other series.”

Hmmm...interesting. Bud does have a point: Shoes have become increasingly spectacular (see my previous post It's Official, The Shoe Is In), and sometimes outlandish...and the celebrities who seem to be able to afford them (Beyonce, Gwyneth, Mary-Kate, Victoria Beckham) and brave their soaring heights certainly do wear them. I'm personally waiting for my fave pair of boots from the Fall 2009 season by Rodarte to hit the red carpet. If I had to choose a celebrity to brave them, it would be Vicki Posh. But I'm not sure she has a relationship with Rodarte. The girls that wear Rodarte—Reese Witherspoon, Natalie Portman—they don't seem to have the cojones for such out-there gorgeousness.

(Sources: Style.com)

I, of course, have the cojones to tackle these Rodarte bangers. These boots were made for me! Alas...my bank account begs to differ.

Where Are They Now...

I can't sleep...so after I make the usual computer website-weblog rounds (Dlisted.com first, followed by Gawker.com, then, if I'm feeling particularly brainy, NYtimes.com), I dilly dally on Jezebel.com, and come across a post about America's Next Top Models: Where are they now? I'm always wondering where the ones I thought should win—or thought had a chance on hitting it big in high fashion—are. 

Contrary to popular belief, ANTM isn't a career squasher—if you possess the high fashion genes. Some of the girls they let onto that show...I mean, come on! They don't have a chance at being anything more than a promotional model for Paulie Girl's Beer! But there are always those few who really do have the look (and, let's not forget, the age) to make it big.

ANYA

(Source via Elite)

Anya from Cycle 10 signed with Elite, even though she didn't win, and is being primed for the big time on their Development Board.

FATIMA

(Source via New York Model Management)

Iman doppleganger and Cycle 10 stunner, Fatima, signed with New York Models and is on their highest board: Editorial.

KATARZYNA (AKA KAT DOLL)

(Source via Elite Paris)

Katarzyna, also from Cycle 10, signed with Elite Models Paris—a fabulous move to build up her portfolio with more cutting-edge editorial images. What I find funny is that they changed her name completely—it's now "Kat Doll." If ever there was a stage name! Anyway...She's found on the Image Board—which I gather is a bit edgier.

So, it would seem Cycle 10 boasted a bunch of "winners"...no?

Aside from ANTM, I already keep a steady eye on model agency websites (for inspiration for work), so as I made the rounds looking at agencies to see how Tyra's kicked-off babes are fairing, I decided to look at some agencies I often use for booking models to see how one of the models I worked with is doing. Her name is Payton, and when I worked with her, she was 14. Very young...but absolutely stunning. Payton was a real trooper and great consummate professional. 

Any-hoot, on the agency website, I saw that they actually used images from the shoot I directed in her portfolio. This is unusual as it seems that not many models want to show they worked in a nail magazine (hey, I guess I can't blame them...). Here's a screen capture:

PAYTON

I made that headpiece...I still have it actually. I wore it for Halloween this year. I didn't look as angelic in it as she did, but I looked pretty darn good. I was a "garden party."

I think the birds added a slightly scary touch to it, don't you think?

But besides how not-as-hot-as-Payton I looked in that headpiece, I was still psyched to see that her agency advised she use images from a shoot I dreamt up. Even if they cut the polishes out of the image—which they did. (I always tell my exec editor not to put the polishes on the same page as the model image, but she won't listen to me! We squabble about it all the time...friendly squabble...but I'm right.)

And look out for Payton. I see big things in her future!

Eva Mendes + Jessica Biel = Curvy?

Source: Calvin Klein

Eva Mendes is the new face for Calvin Klein’s Seductive Comfort underwear, a move CK president and CEO Tom Murry says is “a departure from more slender body types that have typically been used in Calvin Klein Underwear ads...This product is made for a curvaceous woman.”

OK. Yes, Eva is curvier than the average Hollywood A-lister, who usually is a willowy size 0, but...yikes! She's still slender! She's probably a 4 on a supposed "fat" day.

Source: Harper's Bazaar

Cut to the latest issue of Harper's Bazaar, which features "curvy" Jessica Biel on its cover. For whatever reason, in the accompanying piece, the following size-divulging sentence infiltrates the story:

"Though the 26-year-old star is still happiest in her size-26 7 for All Mankind jeans, Jessica is dipping her toes into designer territory, surrounding herself with the most extravagant gowns from the American fall runways."

Do we need to know her size? And, as she is usually referred to has "curvy" or "heavier" by Hollywood standards, it's pretty damn sad that's she's a size 26, which is a 2/4.

How do I begin? In three weeks, I will be turning the dreaded 3-0, and my body has changed itself within the past few months in such a way that I look as though I'm hitting that milestone having had three kids and no tummy tuck. I've always been a voluptuous girl, yet still quite slender, meaning I've got the tits, ass and thighs, with a slender waist and slender arms. This has changed quite a bit this past year. My body's set point seems to be around a size 8 (or size 29 to 30 jeans), though I certainly have fluctuated, getting to as low as a 2 (or size 26). I was chastised by family and friends when I was a 2; even when I was a 4 I was told I was too skinny. So, what gives? These two women are supposedly curvy—and they're only size 2s? I guess that puts me in fat land, which I had already relegated myself to. Damn those Hollywood women and their impossible to attain standards! It would be nice if we could all just stop with the body image crap...but it's hard to when it's tossed in our face constantly. Should there be a new standard? How do we dig ourselves out of this thin obsession? When will the pendulum swing?

Reunited and It Feels So Good...

Source: Getty

I still have my doubts that Britney Spears can make a comeback. Perhaps with the right people backing her, she could, but so far, her appearance hasn't improved much—and, let's face it: Britney's popularity had 85% to do with her appearance, 14% to do with her performance skills and 1% to do with her singing. She is definitely fighting demons that are far more important to take care of than squelching zits, growing healthy hair and losing LBs (and, frankly, her body is in great shape, it's just not in the shape it was pre-babies), but these seemingly unimportant aspects of her appearance really do detract from that which is "Britney Spears."

Well, Madonna is going to give old BS a boost, reuniting with her during her "Sticky & Sweet" tour. But, there's a twist: The reunion will be virtual. I'm not sure if BS can't be trusted to tour with Madonna at this juncture in her rehabilitation or if its simply logistics (probably a bit of both), but Britney will be somehow presented via technology--maybe a big screen. Who knows. She's taping a video for it right now, according to Madonna's spokeslady. This ought to be interesting.

Donna and Her Doc Martens

Oh, the '90s...notice how our lovely 90210 vixens pair skin-tight dresses with Doc Martens and slouchy socks. It is all too beautiful for words.

And what about Andrea Zuckerman? Why did she always look so damn frumpy? If I was to be one of the characters on that show, it would be good ol Zuckerman, because she was smart, worked on the year book and wore her hair flock-of-seagulls style, just like me. But those grandma vests—I just can't get on board with that.

No Hangin' Tough

I'm not sure this whole NKOTB reunion is such a good idea. It's sort of like in the movie, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, where the mistress doesn't want to see her stroke-addled, paralyzed lover because she "wants to remember him like he was." That's how I feel about NKOTB. I mean, I had the BIGGEST crush on Joey McIntyre—he's still hot, BTW—and I loved the songs, but now it's like a bunch of peepaws trying to cash in on the tween market, and that's kind of gross.

Anyway, here's their new music video.

No Copycats for SJP

The red carpet has become a style springboard and platform for many designers--mostly because the general public could give two shits about fashion, but they do love them some celebrities. So, now, such labels as Gucci and Dolce & Gabbana have become common household names because of their celeb vehicles, and the stars that wear the labels have become increasingly demanding of the fashion houses. One common demand (for those high up on the A-list food chain): When they wear a name, they want to make sure NOBODY ELSE HAS WORN IT.

Such was the case for poor Sara Jessica Parker, who, had she been a suscriber to Harper's Bazaar, would have known that the Nina Ricci gown that Olivier Theyskens promised hadn't been worn before had been donned by none other than Miss Rehab herself, Lindsay Lohan. So SJP hit the red carpet for SITC premiere wearing a "worn" gown--a definite no-no for her alter-ego, Carrie Bradshaw.

Source: Wenn/Getty

But the plot only thickened when it was also divulged that socialite Lauren Santo Domingo walked the red stairs at the Met Costume Ball in the same dress--with the dress's designer, Olivier Theyskens himself, on her arm. This was less than a month ago. (And, might I add, this dress was practically the ONLY good-looking dress out of the bunch that night!)

Source: People, STEPHEN LOVEKIN/GETTY; JANET MAYER/SPLASH NEWS

Upon first hearing this, I found it silly, as I have thought other "freak outs" over such frivolity have been. (Remember Reese and the Chanel debacle?) The fact that nobody should be wearing the same frock as you on a different night in a different city at a different event is so egotistical. But, this is SJP, and Olivier had assured her no one else had worn it. And, maybe, just maybe, you could give him the benefit of the doubt--sometimes designers don't know what is lent to who and when. But he escorted that dress down the red carpet less than a month ago. He was well aware it had been worn. That, in itself, is pretty shady. It's not as though Nina Ricci's PR flack had assured SJP--the designer assured her. Which, in my book, is lying.

Drop the Hammer!

A key scene in Mean Girls:

Gretchen: That is so fetch!
Regina: Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!

A few key words for Naomi:

Naomi, stop trying to make Hammer Pants happen! They're not going to happen!

Source: Splash, WireImage

There is No Way the New 90210 Can Touch This...

I swear to you that I see people dancing like that in clubs to this day. And David Green's fashion choices aren't too far off, if we're to go in the direction designers are corralling us for fall. Ahhh, MC Hammer, you are apparently the new muse for fall. Designers are trying to bring back the "Hammer Time" pants that we all so fetishized when they were first made popular in "Can't Touch This." I kid you not. Listen, I love fashion. I breathe fashion. But, bitch, please: Nobody wants to look like they either A) made a doody in their pants, or B) are planning to make a doody in their pants and are therefore relegated out of sheer necessity to sporting Depends under their slacks.

You can't really tell that the crotch is hanging to her knees, but the models at Max Azria's fall 2008 showing definitely could fit a few gallons of whatever the hell they wanted in their pants.

Source: Style.com

And the man who started it all:

You really just can't touch this.